A wednesday evening

went to visit sya just now, she's leaving tonight. to be more specific, it's more like tomorrow morning. but anyway, I'll miss her.. I've learned a thing or two from her that is quite true la. i cant wait till she comes back again next year! you hear that sya?! oh well..

and i kinda feel bad for missing my aunt's birthday dinner i guess. it's a dinner to celebrate her birthday? oh well, i shall just call it ' birthday dinner'. she's been very supportive of me, in a way.. lets just say theres always next year.

there are things that i wanna say but i dunno if should say it here. sometimes what i say might not be appropriate but this is like a medium for me to express all my thought, feelings and emotions but even so, i still hold back because i know if i went all out, people will surely get hurt or i might make things complicated. i think everyone that owns a blog would feel that way, unless well~ they don't give a damn what other people think or who they hurt la, that's totally a different heartless story. when i used to blog last time, as in last last time.. i would be careful of what i say but now.. I'm just lazy to alter my sentence so many times to make it sound more appropriate.

okay coming back to today, a Wednesday evening. i think i unconsciously became more quiet, and sometimes more obedient. the obedient part varies according to the person. is that one of the reason i'm talking less, or maybe it's really just because i don't really care? that doesn't sound nice, let me rephrase 'maybe it's really just because i'm tired of trying?' but i can honestly say, i'm withdrawing myself, i'm trying to push myself away, make it simple, i'm avoiding. i feel less pain, even when i go through the whole 'i dunno about this, i didn't knew about that, oh really that happened?' feeling. i can tell myself because i'm not there to know, as in i see it from a outsiders point of view, i can forgive myself for that. but when you're in the circle and you just don't know about anything, it's hurts more, much more. and i feel like i've been getting little hints about whats going on with me, if you wanna ask me just ask already, i'm not saying this in a mad way. i feel sorry though about every thing that i've done or caused any unhappiness, i didn't exactly mean it, if you know me well enough, you'll know my temper.