is it just me? okay, i think it's just me..
i feel kinda lonely, i feel like i got no one to talk to, no one to listen, no one to communicate with..
technically, i'm a sensitive person especially with these issues.. it's like you have friends around you, and in front of everyone else you seem to be very close.. but the truth is you're not close at all, you dont understand what the other person is thinking, you just dont know the person.. and sometimes in a group, you'll feel like you dont belong there, you'll feel like the outcast. that happens to me all the time, i'll normally just sit aside and keep quite, and they'll think i'm like emo all of a suddent, but they dont know how i feel.. they never do..
it may sound like i'm being paranoid or something but thats just how it is.. i've blog about this so many times already, i'm so tired of this and i feel so helpless. i really envy other people, having a normal family. i dont have a everyday normal family like everyone else, i'm alone, i dont want to face life alone, at times i'll say i'm fine with being alone, i've got over the part where i dont stay with my parents.. but thats not true, i'm not fine being alone. everyone wants to be cared by someone, i dont feel like i'm being cared, it's as if i need to carry the burden all on my own, it feel so hard. it's like walking on a never ending road all by myself, cold and dark..
i dont want to be like this, i want a normal life, i want a happy life..
but i know that will never come true. i'm not like everyone else..
i'll never be normal, not today, not tomorrow, not ever..
things doesnt always go as planned, but sometimes it just go terribly wrong until you no longer know what to do.. one day you know you have an elder half sister and elder half brother, which i dont really take them as my "half" siblings, because they just arent that "half", and the next day you know that you have another younger half sister.. it's not something that you deal with everyday. i'm not saying that i'm not okay with it, i'm perfectly fine with it, its just... complicated. sometimes you were wish you had a normal everyday life, a loving father and a caring mother..
and i know some people dont like my personality, cause i'm annoying and all.. and i'm sorry about that.. thats how i am, i dont intentionally want to annoy you.. if you dont like it, you cant just dont be friend me or whatever.. i dont think i really care anymore..
really having some emotional ups and downs lately.. it's like i'm happy today and i might be not so happy the next day.. and yet, no one understands..
