Thursday, October 21, 2010
Invisible Truth
the reason i came up with the name 'Invisible Truth' for my blog is because i wanted to express emotions, facts, truths that cannot be seen from the surface and i don't think I've been using this blog to it's fullest potential. theres been certain topic that i wanted to express here but i just couldn't make myself do it, i would say i don't have the guts to do it yet. i thought of making this blog a place to 'express' but when i think of it, people can just access this blog in a snap of a finger. and I'm afraid certain people would see it, and just not accept it? I've been struggling to tell my parents the truth recently actually, i think I'm old enough to do it. but every time, when i think of what happens if i do, the consequences to my actions. i reconsider my 'plan'. well, the truth? i don't freaking care if my friends don't accept the fact or what ever, i came across this line 'those that matter don't mind, those that mind don't matter' and i really feel it. cause seriously, if they really are your true friends, they would accept you for who you are. and those that doesn't, well, they're not worthy of being your friend then. *insert story about past personal experience here* but family is different, you cant just ditch them, you have to spend your whole life with them! and they are the ones that i feel i'm letting down the most, i feel like everyone have hopes in me. and that hope is gonna shatter like glass if they found out the truth. i'm actually really tired of hiding who i am, i wanna just step out into the real world. the world i belong in, the world that i can just be myself, no more hiding. and i know whats the first thing i'm gonna do after i've expose the truth! i think i'm so gonna post it on facebook! i know everyone hope to have this platform to fall back on, when theres a wall infront of you, you hope to have your friends and family to help you climb across it. but now, that wall is my family. i'm like stuck here hanging, not passing on, not falling back. i admit that i need help, someone with i dunno, experience to be here. but seriously, i wouldnt find any. okay, right, too dramatic, i know i know, coming back.. i think if my told my parents, knowing how much they love me, they would eventually accept the fact, if i'm not wrong. but i dont live with my parents, it's a whole other story regarding my family. this is so freaking hard! and i'm seriously tired of hiding! like seriously.. i wanna climb across that wall! and find the real casey, the real me.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Trainers Course
okay here goes.. so saturday and sunday had trainers course at prescott hotel. so on friday night, teri and i were busy packing our stuff. it's like so uncertain about what baju's to bring and stuff to bring, but we made it through anyways with enough clothing and equipments. okay the equipments part, not so la.. we forgot certain stuff! but got help from other people. so like still end up okay! oh, i slept like 1.30am on friday night.
so on saturday, we woke up early, i woke up around 5.45am ish, more or less la.. suppose to wake up at 5.30am, but i kept snoozing my alarm. then waited for hoe yinn to come pick up, kata datang 6.45am but came at 7am la kot, i could have slept another 15 mins there. anyway, we reach prescott hotel quite early, we're like the first to reach and we sat there waiting for the others. hoe yinn and kenneth left us there later on, then we just sat there waiting at the lobby. we followed people up to the patheticly small room, continue to wait for other people to arrive. then we took our attendence, i was the 2nd person to sign our attendence, and teri was 3rd. after awhile, everyone came, class started, the beginning wasnt that bad, i could still keep myself up and running, but when we reach the next topic i started falling asleep.. like seriously! i was covering my eyes with my hands while trying to take a nap. oh, then we had to present the topic in front of everyone, it was my 1st time, so i was nervous, and i talked like a train, like really fast, and i forgot one section too. oh! and we got issued our topic following the attendence! i got the 2nd topic, which is CPR and teri got the 3rd, Choking. we were thinking 'lucky' us! why did we sign our attendence so soon! but eventually, we were happy we did! okay so, our class ended at about 10+ pm kot. then i went to mandi and all! then we i habis and went back to the class room, i saw kenneth, man kit, haris and sasa! glad to see them! then teri and i continue doing our lesson plan. then after awhile, this guy came and wanted to lock the room, so we had to move, kesian us! teri and i moved to the lobby, we sat on the floor and continue to do our work, we were glad to have kenneth, man kit, haris and sasa there to teman us! emotional support! it meant quite a lot to us kot. and i was sad to see them leave~ but oh well, had to finish our work.. we sat at the lobby for so long, until madam eng and sir fan they all came back around 3am, then sir fan joined us at the lobby, then later on we had some 'visitors' to come talk to us, haha! they all siap like their lesson plans and transparencies dah! and teri and i still got lot. but we appreciate the company, it was quite fun actually! we had fun doing the transparencies! then at 5am. 5am wei! we went to sleep. sir fan took the key card, so suppose to call him to open the door, but the door cacat a bit, it was closed buy wasnt locked, so i got in the room. when i got in, 1 sleeping on the bed like so freaking comfy! the other slept at the centre of the bed with 2 pillows, and sir fan slept on the floor between the beds with 1 pillow. (note : there were 2 double beds, and 4 pillows) so that leaves me with no pillow, no blanket, no bed! okay, actually got la, i could have climb in and sleep with the guy with 1 pillow, but damn awkward la! so i end up on the floor, sleeping on my sling bag, with no blanket and jacket, and air con running at full blast! i was shivering when i woke up. i seriously regret not climbing in bed with that guy, at least got blanket! *insert teri's look here*
sunday morning, so yea.. woke up at 7am, shivering. teri called me to tell me she woke up and all later, then i was wondering if i should wake my roomies up. i decided to give them 10 more mins, while i iron my shirt. then went to pass up my lesson plan at 8am, after that went to makan breakfast, which isnt so appetizing, the previous night's dinner was better. then right after we got back from breakfast, thats when we start with our lessons, i miss out some stuff, but overall i think i did quite okay, i wasnt as nervous. then after that, it was teri's turn, she did good! and then, we sat there listening to other people's lessons. there was a lot of funny jokes. we had to check out from the hotel before 2pm. so we went to pack our stuff and all during lunch. oh, i forgot to mention theres this guy, my roomie la, he left earlier, i didnt get the chance to say goodbye~ :( oh well, i'll see him again on 31st oct! anyways, more or less after that we had lunch, we sat with these 2 girls, we like talked a bit la, berkenalan! then after luch we continue to listen to other peoples lessons, kenneth and man kit came to pick us up. they came early la, had to wait for us to habis, sorry about that! then after the lessons ended, we gathered together, and had like a short summary of everything, then got our results back, and that it la kot. balik time! teri and i went to lobby to cari kenneth and man kit, then we had a little chat with the officers, and a bit of comments from sir subra. :) then there we go, back home! sampai rumah, had an awesome hot shower, and off to bed! woke up at 10.30pm, and here i am blogging about the past 2 days.
overall, i had lots of fun la, learned a lot of stuff, really touch when they came visit us at night and teman us. met a lot of new people that i tak pernah talk to. it was a great experience. :)
so on saturday, we woke up early, i woke up around 5.45am ish, more or less la.. suppose to wake up at 5.30am, but i kept snoozing my alarm. then waited for hoe yinn to come pick up, kata datang 6.45am but came at 7am la kot, i could have slept another 15 mins there. anyway, we reach prescott hotel quite early, we're like the first to reach and we sat there waiting for the others. hoe yinn and kenneth left us there later on, then we just sat there waiting at the lobby. we followed people up to the patheticly small room, continue to wait for other people to arrive. then we took our attendence, i was the 2nd person to sign our attendence, and teri was 3rd. after awhile, everyone came, class started, the beginning wasnt that bad, i could still keep myself up and running, but when we reach the next topic i started falling asleep.. like seriously! i was covering my eyes with my hands while trying to take a nap. oh, then we had to present the topic in front of everyone, it was my 1st time, so i was nervous, and i talked like a train, like really fast, and i forgot one section too. oh! and we got issued our topic following the attendence! i got the 2nd topic, which is CPR and teri got the 3rd, Choking. we were thinking 'lucky' us! why did we sign our attendence so soon! but eventually, we were happy we did! okay so, our class ended at about 10+ pm kot. then i went to mandi and all! then we i habis and went back to the class room, i saw kenneth, man kit, haris and sasa! glad to see them! then teri and i continue doing our lesson plan. then after awhile, this guy came and wanted to lock the room, so we had to move, kesian us! teri and i moved to the lobby, we sat on the floor and continue to do our work, we were glad to have kenneth, man kit, haris and sasa there to teman us! emotional support! it meant quite a lot to us kot. and i was sad to see them leave~ but oh well, had to finish our work.. we sat at the lobby for so long, until madam eng and sir fan they all came back around 3am, then sir fan joined us at the lobby, then later on we had some 'visitors' to come talk to us, haha! they all siap like their lesson plans and transparencies dah! and teri and i still got lot. but we appreciate the company, it was quite fun actually! we had fun doing the transparencies! then at 5am. 5am wei! we went to sleep. sir fan took the key card, so suppose to call him to open the door, but the door cacat a bit, it was closed buy wasnt locked, so i got in the room. when i got in, 1 sleeping on the bed like so freaking comfy! the other slept at the centre of the bed with 2 pillows, and sir fan slept on the floor between the beds with 1 pillow. (note : there were 2 double beds, and 4 pillows) so that leaves me with no pillow, no blanket, no bed! okay, actually got la, i could have climb in and sleep with the guy with 1 pillow, but damn awkward la! so i end up on the floor, sleeping on my sling bag, with no blanket and jacket, and air con running at full blast! i was shivering when i woke up. i seriously regret not climbing in bed with that guy, at least got blanket! *insert teri's look here*
sunday morning, so yea.. woke up at 7am, shivering. teri called me to tell me she woke up and all later, then i was wondering if i should wake my roomies up. i decided to give them 10 more mins, while i iron my shirt. then went to pass up my lesson plan at 8am, after that went to makan breakfast, which isnt so appetizing, the previous night's dinner was better. then right after we got back from breakfast, thats when we start with our lessons, i miss out some stuff, but overall i think i did quite okay, i wasnt as nervous. then after that, it was teri's turn, she did good! and then, we sat there listening to other people's lessons. there was a lot of funny jokes. we had to check out from the hotel before 2pm. so we went to pack our stuff and all during lunch. oh, i forgot to mention theres this guy, my roomie la, he left earlier, i didnt get the chance to say goodbye~ :( oh well, i'll see him again on 31st oct! anyways, more or less after that we had lunch, we sat with these 2 girls, we like talked a bit la, berkenalan! then after luch we continue to listen to other peoples lessons, kenneth and man kit came to pick us up. they came early la, had to wait for us to habis, sorry about that! then after the lessons ended, we gathered together, and had like a short summary of everything, then got our results back, and that it la kot. balik time! teri and i went to lobby to cari kenneth and man kit, then we had a little chat with the officers, and a bit of comments from sir subra. :) then there we go, back home! sampai rumah, had an awesome hot shower, and off to bed! woke up at 10.30pm, and here i am blogging about the past 2 days.
overall, i had lots of fun la, learned a lot of stuff, really touch when they came visit us at night and teman us. met a lot of new people that i tak pernah talk to. it was a great experience. :)
Sunday, October 3, 2010
I'm Getting Closer, Closer to Closure
this weekend in general was quite free, i mean.. I DONT NEED TO STUDY FOR EXAM! and and, NO ASSIGNMENTS! wooh! freedom! BUT~ it's quite boring as well.
i'll start from yesterday, so i slept through my whole saturday morning! haven done that in awhile, i woke up at 12 noon, and saw man kit's msg that says he's gonna come pick me up at 12.15~ i was like OMG!! i'm so not gonna make it in time~ so i drove myself instead. HAHA! then went to sri permata did some st. john work, after that decide to go for lunch at tropicana city mall. lunch was "interesting" HAHA! like seriously "interesting". i know teri will give the face when she sees this. then after that we went home, cause sasa have a wedding to attend. then reach home, online. thats it for saturday.
sunday, woke up almost noon, but not yet. HAH! earlier~ so what did i do the whole day? hmm.. online, movie, tv series, manga, youtube, music. the cycle repeats itself. and then here i am blogging.
okay, lets jump backwards to more general things in my life. lately, i macam see my cousin quite often, and he pun selalu talk to me and kacau i kot, but i dont mind. we haven exactly been talking a lot in the past. and he's gonna go overseas to study soon, i think i'll miss him. emphasize on the phrase 'i think'. hmm.. what else? oh, i wish time would pass SLOWER! i dont want 16th and 17th October to come so soon. and tomorrow is monday, got computer class, but i guess computer class is better than extra class. extra class is like hell on earth sikit.
okay, i think thats it for tonight. will blog another soon.
i'll start from yesterday, so i slept through my whole saturday morning! haven done that in awhile, i woke up at 12 noon, and saw man kit's msg that says he's gonna come pick me up at 12.15~ i was like OMG!! i'm so not gonna make it in time~ so i drove myself instead. HAHA! then went to sri permata did some st. john work, after that decide to go for lunch at tropicana city mall. lunch was "interesting" HAHA! like seriously "interesting". i know teri will give the face when she sees this. then after that we went home, cause sasa have a wedding to attend. then reach home, online. thats it for saturday.
sunday, woke up almost noon, but not yet. HAH! earlier~ so what did i do the whole day? hmm.. online, movie, tv series, manga, youtube, music. the cycle repeats itself. and then here i am blogging.
okay, lets jump backwards to more general things in my life. lately, i macam see my cousin quite often, and he pun selalu talk to me and kacau i kot, but i dont mind. we haven exactly been talking a lot in the past. and he's gonna go overseas to study soon, i think i'll miss him. emphasize on the phrase 'i think'. hmm.. what else? oh, i wish time would pass SLOWER! i dont want 16th and 17th October to come so soon. and tomorrow is monday, got computer class, but i guess computer class is better than extra class. extra class is like hell on earth sikit.
okay, i think thats it for tonight. will blog another soon.
Friday, October 1, 2010
This Friday Night
okay so, tonight is friday night. and unfortunately, i'm at home blogging.. what happen to friday night fever? oh well.. depressing
lets have a recap of my week, monday tuesday exam, wednesday, what did i do on wednesday again? er.. i think i went out on wednesday night. then thursday got class the whole day. and here i am, friday, yea.. nothing much worth being exciting about. i feel so sleepy now.. and i miss gloria and rosalinda! rosalinda been missing for a while, gloria hmm.. gloria pun busy kot.
i dunno what to blog about dah.. out of ideas..
hmmm.. how about, I DYED MY HAIR! :P i feel so rebellious nowadays. but whatever, i'm 18!!
okay, actually i've been thinking about going out today, but like totally tak jadi la. i guess i'll just drown myself with boredom for the weekend. oh, did i mention i got no assignments this weekend! :P
lets have a recap of my week, monday tuesday exam, wednesday, what did i do on wednesday again? er.. i think i went out on wednesday night. then thursday got class the whole day. and here i am, friday, yea.. nothing much worth being exciting about. i feel so sleepy now.. and i miss gloria and rosalinda! rosalinda been missing for a while, gloria hmm.. gloria pun busy kot.
i dunno what to blog about dah.. out of ideas..
hmmm.. how about, I DYED MY HAIR! :P i feel so rebellious nowadays. but whatever, i'm 18!!
okay, actually i've been thinking about going out today, but like totally tak jadi la. i guess i'll just drown myself with boredom for the weekend. oh, did i mention i got no assignments this weekend! :P
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