He's Busy

Everything seems different, alex is like suddenly so busy. i just.. it's hard. when i got into the car today after class, i saw him on his laptop in the car, it kinda broke my heart, everything changed so fast, he became so busy all of a sudden. he barely have time to reply my text and hence, i kinda gave up bothering him during work. *starts tearing somewhere about here* maybe i'm being over clingy, but i'm not used to this. i know i cant expect him to be there for me all the time, talk to me all the time, but things just changed too fast and it's taking a toll on me. i know alex will most probably be depress after reading this but i cant make myself to tell alex all these in person or run to teri neither. do you even get that feeling that you have so much to say in your mind but you just dunno how to put it out into words? thats exactly how i feel now. alex is gonna be going to singapore for a week, and working on the saturdays. i thought i'm over and done with the singapore issue, but everytime alex mentions singapore it reminds me that he's gonna be gone for a week. and i just found out that he's leaving on a public holiday, coming back on a friday, working on the saturday after that. i know alex is like tired also after a whole day of work, traveling here and there. sighhh.. i feel like i'm about to burst, i really dunno how to say whats on my mind. i'm breaking down. :'(


ps : i dunno if alex still reads my blog, or if he have the time to, or if he still remember about my blog. but i kinda hope he does.

Here I Am Again

here i am again, in the middle of the night, thinking about stuff (which normally isn't a good thing). i'm just kinda stressed out about life, work, studies and all. i don't wanna make any decisions, it's like one decision will lead to another and another, but there's just so many decisions to make, i guess that's what life is all about..

I feel like the only time where i can run away from all these is when i'm with alex, or with the gang. Being with them takes all the sucky part of life away, it's just this brief lapse where you run away but eventually will have to come back to reality. Thats what i keep saying but i believe it's true. i'm just stressed out.. i kinda hope alex would come to my rescue now, but i'm sure he's soundly asleep in his bed.

i miss being in secondary school, where you don't need to worry much about life and just focus on the one thing that students do - study, but now although i'm a student, it's different, i need to worry about work and what life is throwing at my face. i would tell the secondary school kids that are still studying to enjoy the moment, have fun and all. i'd think one thing that seriously helps when you're stress is to go to sleep, you'll wake up feeling better, and thats what i'm gonna do now. sleep!

Day After 11.11.11

i just had this horribly long day, woke up for st. john, left home at 9 ish then came home at around 10 ish at night, damn tired, seriously tired and aching all over. the aching was very bad, like seriously god damn fucking pain, i couldn't even eat my dinner properly. but i would say spending the day with everyone at st. john HQ is quite fun, learning stuff and all just the pain was killing me. and yeah, having dinner with gang was good too, like so long didn't sit down together already.

and you know, i wanted to talk to my boyfriend after such a long day and just have a nice conversation with him but it didn't work out that way. i dunno, i was kinda upset with what he said to me.. i would blast every god damn thing that i wanna say about it out here but i know he would be reading this someday sooner or later and i shall not do that, i'll just keep it to myself. hmmm, yeah, i'm upset and kinda pissed when i was typing this here now. so yeah.. i'm just gonna go to bed and just cool down.