lately, i feel like my old self is coming back, the one that likes to go out, get out of the house, which is kinda good i guess, at least i dont hide myself at home all the time, but besides the good part, the bad part is back too. the old casey that gets angry and annoyed really easily, i dunno, i really cannot take it, for a period of time, i can say i was really calm, dont get angry easily but that part is slowly fading.. it's like choosing between angry and outgoing or calm and er, the opposite of outgoing? i really wanna be calm and outgoing i guess but unfortunately, i dont feel it in me.
why not just have a program in us to and just click on the screen, choose 'calm' and 'outgoing' and click apply? well, i dont think life is gonna be that easy. and seriously, emotions are such a screw up! i think i have a very low EQ, i cant really control my emotions that well. oh and actually, i feel like the emo part is kinda slipping back in a little. the more i think about it while i'm typing this, the more i feel miserable about myself, my life.
oh, few days back i went back to my hometown. it wasnt the trip i imagined it to be. and seriously, i dont think i've ever been bitten by so many mosquitoes before, i have marks all over my leg and my hand, and it's itchy! but still, i'm glad to see certain people at my hometown.. i feel kinda happy la, dah lama tak jumpa kot. that person was really nice to me last time, jaga me a lot.
teenage dream is playing on the radio. i still feel like there are things that i wanna do, and i really wanna do it! i think i can write a whole list out, but i dont think i can motivate myself to do it, unless someone actually pushes me to do it! tada! and this where someone should come in and help me accomplish it.
feel like i'm just randomly blogging stuff.. but it's good to say it out i guess. oh, i'm having my 1st term test next monday, and seriously, i should give a damn about it, but the problem is i dont.. i'm not studying.. i'm not even afraid!? not good, where did casey go? who the hell am i now? i have no idea.
oh and actually, a while back, i guess a few weeks back la, i've been thinking about leaving this 'activity' of mine, i actually dont see the purpose for me to be there anymore, i've always feel like i have nothing that i'm good at or worthy of being there, like i dont deserve it. it's like i'm on this thin line between failure and something, i cant think of the good side. maybe there isnt one? but now like, there are 2 things that will keep me motivated to keep going on, but i have no idea when i'll run out of fuel to keep pushing me on. we'll see la, i myself dont think i'll be there for that long as well.
i guess thats enough random facts and expression for tonight, maybe will continue another night.
oh wait, another random fact! i dont like to feel like i'm the last to know stuff, and i dont like to be excluded and i dont like to be lied to. i guess thats it.. over and out..
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