Insecure?

okay, i've just finished reading this book called 'the red pyramid' by rick riordan, and it is freaking awesome! like seriously! it feels like percy jackson abit la, cause of the gods and all.. but this book is awesome in it's own way! you so need to read it! :P the ending makes you wanna know whats coming up next! (like a normal exciting book would!) oh well..

so anyway, i've told some friends before that i dont really feel like going out much, like i really feel like staying home all the time and i mean seriously staying home all the time but there are exceptions though, this been going on for a while, i rather hang out at someones house or maybe somewhere near cause i dont have the desire to go out to shopping malls etc. today i'm suppose to go out with an 'old' friend for movie, we haven seen each other in a while but i just couldnt get myself to go, i can't really get myself to make the decision, i'll hesitate should i go or i should i stay, one second i've made the decision to go, the other i'll be regreting and would change my mind. i know i've let some of my friends down, and they don't really say much about it cause well, what are friends for~ :P i do hope they would understand. i've been thinking about a reason as in why i would feel that way, i've 'kinda' concluded that i feel insecure. and the problem is, there are certain group of friends that i have no problem going out with, as in i would say yes and go in a snap. this sucks doenst it? i need some motivation to push me. maybe in my subconscious i feel more secure and safe around certain people? i really dunno. and did i mention that i dont like places with lots of people? thats why i would NEVER go to shopping malls alone. i guess more or less that it.