Shine A Light On Me

you know when you have this period of time, you just emotionally break down? that's what i'm going through the past week or so, on and off my days been just a wreck. i was home all day today, sitting in front of the computer, watching movies and stuff. the thought of dropping everything keeps coming up, disappearing for the next 3,4 weeks. but i dont i'm able to disappear, i dont think i can, but i want to. i have trouble sleeping at night, i think the stress is getting to me, exam is just around the corner, after that i need to worry about flying to uk, stuff to pack, stuff to bring, i need to go shopping for that, then after i come back i need to think about work and studies and practically life. i'm 18 years and 10 months old, i dont feel like i'm ready to go through all that, i'm scared to go through all that. i hope someone like my parents would read this or something, and realise how much i'm going through, but it's not likely to happen. i want a shoulder to cry on and will tell me everything will be alright in the end. days been passing by just like that, i feel like my time is flying by too fast for me to realise anything, realise i should do something more exciting with my life, realise that i need to get out more. i wanna go bowling, movies, shopping, karaoke, just do something exciting, maybe even cycling, running, jogging, i feel like i need to release my this stress thats on me. i know i'm asking a stupid question, something ironic and just unreal, but why cant life be the way we want it to be?

i hate awkward situations, i hate being stuck in the middle, i hate being left out, i hate people bugging me at the wrong moment, i'm frustrated when people give redundant comments. people just tends to do that to me all the time, my temper is just going up and down. I dont function well under stress, i wonder how am i gonna deal with work, still figuring that out, i guess it's time to step up to life's challenges. i need to wake up from dreaming of this life that isnt gonna happen. did i mention i tend to eat under stress? when i look fat-er, you'll know whats up with me. and i failed to mention it's so stupid when someone ask you 'hows life?' or 'how are you?' and you tell them 'it's good' or 'i'm fine' but actually you're far from it. i hope my knight in shiny armour would come to my rescue and shine a light on me.