7 Years Later

It's been 7 years since I last wrote on this blog, a lot has changed since. I've grown older, I'm in another relationship with someone else, I'm pursuing my studies in a degree program and I've made career changes. These are all things beyond my expectations, things that I didn't think were possible 7 years ago. Reading back at the old post I've made in this blog, I was such a different person then, I was childish, emotional and depressed, things that mattered so much then didn't seem to matter at all now. I wished I was there to tell my younger self that, that everything is gonna be okay, that one day you'll be fine, you'll actually be fine in life. 

I wouldn't say that I'm optimistic now but I try to stay hopeful, the emotions are still there, still emotional but more contained than I used to be. Looking back, I can see that I've been very depressed in my teenage years, I shut the world out of my life most of the time. I didn't believe that I have people around me that cared about me, I cling onto things for the sake of security. And I know I've come a long way since. 

I found the courage to move on from my previous relationship, to pick myself up from that. I found the courage to pursue my studies, something that I avoided for so long. A topic that wouldn't even discuss without shutting myself down, without doubting my self-worth. I'm glad that I found the courage over the years to do all these. The old me wouldn't have seen the light at the end of the tunnel. 

I'm also blessed and privileged to be a wonderful support system around me. Through tough times, I come to realise that there are people around me that genuinely cared for my wellbeing. This is also something that struggled with since my teenage years, I've always felt so helpless, never believing that anyone cared. 

So now, at the age of 28, I can say that I'm doing okay, my views on life aren't as grey as it used to be. Even when I doubt myself, deep down I know that I'm capable of getting through it, no matter how painful it is. I just need to start believing in myself more, that I'm worth something.